Members: Murakami Shingo, Yasuda Shouta, Shibutani Subaru, Yokoyama Yuu

Opening
Subaru first introduced himself as "Ice Coffee Shibutani." This was the 50th episode!! They were talking about it, and about whether or not anything would change. Subaru: "The MC will change, today." Hina: "No it won't!" Hina talked a bit about the usual opening stuff (the column running in some magazine, the manga they'll be talking about later), then mentioned that Subaru turned 24 recently. Subaru: "Being 24 means.. . . . . . I'll think about it!" Hina told him to think of something to say by the end of the show.

♪ suki yanen, Osaka. (Tanaka-san version)

Kyuukyoku no Sentaku (Ultimate Choice)
In this corner, they're presented with two choices and they have to pick which one they'd rather have. Sometimes the choices are both really good, and sometimes they're both really bad. Everyone (especially Subaru) really loves this segment, so as soon as Hina announced it they all went NUTS.

(1) If you were to be reborn, which would you choose?
  A. A #1 host with good looks.
  B. Elite student with #1 results from Toudai (Tokyo University)

They all made sounds like "mehhh~" and "weehhh~" like they were having a hard time deciding.
A- Yassu, Subaru
B- Hina, Yoko

Yassu said that he thought he could experience many things, and study the world. Yoko and Hina don't have confidence that they could become #1 hosts. Subaru apparently wanted to be a host so he could drink.
Yoko: "But you could drink if you went to Toudai."
Subaru: ". . . that's true."
Yoko: "If you drink that much, it's probably not enjoyable. They do it every day."
Subaru: "You'd get really strong against alcohol!"
Hina: "But you might hurt your body!"
Subaru: ". . . that's true."
I think Hina and Yoko felt like they won the debate, because anything you can do as a host, you can do as a regular person. And going to Toudai means you could work pretty much anywhere.

(2) Which would make you happier?
  A. Being told "you're funny" by 10 people
  B. Being told "you're cool" by 10 people

A- Subaru, Yassu
B- Hina, Yoko

Yoko wants to be popular (among girls), and he thinks that guys who are called "funny" are unpopular. Subaru wants to be good at talking to people. Yoko thinks that being silent is being cool. For HIM, that's certainly true I completely lost the direction of the conversation, but Yoko said "hello" and "thank you" in English.

They made Yassu introduce the next song. "Then, up next is Kanjani8. Please listen--- it was released-ed 9/14." (Is that an accurate translation of what he said? lol. The proper way to say "was released" is either "hatsubai shita" or "hatsubai shimashita." The second one is simply more polite than the first. But Yassu said "hatsubai shita-shimashita.") They made fun of him, but he explained that he did it on purpose, cause they told him to do it in a "funny" way! So, back to the song introduction. "Then, please listen. Kanjani8 with 'Osaka Rainy Blues'." Hina: "NOT THAT!!" After they laughed some more, he finally introduced the right song, the right way.

♪ suki yanen, Osaka. (Sankaku Kouen version)

Quote
「女心は男心よりも清らかなものである。 ただ男よりもよく変化するだけだ。」 by (Oliver Brooke) Harford
While talking about the quote, Yoko said it was by "Harrison Ford," so they had to correct him.

Manga
The manga they talked about this time was called "Boys Este" and was about a girl whose boyfriend told her she was fat (apparently), so she went to an esthetic salon to lose weight and improve her looks. But the salon is filled with boys! OH NO WACKINESS. Yoko said he understood the girl, but that it's fine to be chubby! I don't really understand what he said beforehand, but Subaru said that saying is basically the same as "it's okay that you're fat." There was a short silence, then SOMEONE snorted and they all started laughing! They said that it's bad to tell girls that, cause it just makes them think that they're fat. Then they were talking about how people have complexes about their weight, and Subaru said that Japanese people are bad because they always think they need to lose weight. Foreigners don't worry about that. (You know.. just speaking from experience in America, they DO. They just don't do anything about it..) Also they talked about blood types, and how ONLY Japan worries about blood types matching up well in couples.

Ending
Hina mentioned Subaru's birthday again, and asked him if he remembered (about the statement he'll have to give)..to which Yassu replied that he did. (He wasn't asking you!) Subaru said: "Since I've become 24 this year, I want to cast aside this..what do you call it? wicked mind? This unclean heart, and proceed wholeheartedly." Subaru had completely forgotten that he was going to have to say something at the end of the show! But he did a good job anyway.

Guest: Masuda Takahisa

Opening: It's autumn, which means that school's about to start! Koyama told us all to eat yummy autumn foods. He said that this time's guest is pretty particular about food, haha. He didn't even call him by his full name when he introduced him! Massu started out all low tension, which annoyed Koyama. Ktarou said that that type of character doesn't suit Massu..he should be energetic. Massu talked about when Tegoshi was on Recomen before, how he makes fun of Massu a lot. But Ktarou said that it's because Tego loves Massu! Aww♥ Massu insisted that he's never said "mohi mohi" on the phone (reference: Kchan News 2005.09.12), but the fact that he just said it on the radio made Ktarou and Koyama laugh.

News Showdown
Wow, they haven't done this in a while! I wonder if it took them this long to accumulate enough suggestions from listeners Uh~ basically the guest and Koyama take turns reading little one-liners sent in from the listeners, and three staff members at the radio station judge who won. There have been rumors of a punishment (batsu game), but this is the first time I've actually heard them give one out! This time they read little introductory statements, in the form of "I'm [name], who [does/is something]." The listeners were instructed to send in introductions that could be read by anyone, but some of them were clearly intended for specific members.

Round #1
Masuda: I'm Masuda Takahisa, whose shampoo is ?? (I can NOT figure out what he's saying here.. it was meant for Shige though)
Koyama: I'm Koyama, and recently I've developed an abnormal confidence about my nipples!
Results: Koyama (2-1)

After Koyama read his, Massu kept giggling and saying "nipples" and call the girl who sent it in a pervert.

Round #2
Masuda: (it was too long, and he messed up, and I have a hard enough time understand his lisp.. all I really caught was "a face-to-face muscle battle in the dressing room, anytime, anywhere")
Koyama: I'm Koyama, who even know doesn't know the difference between lettuce and cabbage!
Results: Masuda (3-0)

Round #3
Masuda: My pajama pants are too short! ..I'm Masuda Taka--- *laughs* (he forgot to add in his name at the end)
Koyama: I'm Koyama, who worries before singing about whether the microphone has batteries in it or not.. (this one was clearly meant for Koyama)
Results: Masuda (3-0)

Masuda won~!! And according to the weird rules that I don't understand, this meant that Koyama got the punishment! ..which was thought up by a listener! (You know..it's great that the listeners can have an effect on the show.. but it kind of feels like they're all too lazy to think up their own stuff!) Apparently Koyama does impressions of Kurochan from Yasuda Dai-Circus (a comedy trio; Kurochan speaks in a reeeeally high voice), and Tongarikun (??) but he only does them in front of Shige. His punishment is to do them in front of Ryo, and record his reaction. HAHAHA.

♪ Cherish

Masuda Takahisa no Stop The Masuda
...they're both TOTAL RETARDS... They were "singing" (if "dun dun dun" counts as singing), which Massu continued even after Koyama started doing, you know, HOSTING. After he finished that, though, they went back to "singing." This particular edition of Stop the Masuda is about something Massu hates -- bugs! The plan was for Koyama and Ktarou to talk him into liking bugs, but actually..Koyama doesn't like them either. Massu explained that he wasn't raised to have a lot of contact with bugs, so that's why he's scared of them. But he said praying mantises are cool! Massu told a story of when he was in a train, and thought something smelled..and he looked down and saw a kamemushi (some sort of stinky bug) on him! So he screamed like the little girl he is, and everyone on the train stared at him, haha.

Ending: On September 15th, NEWS turned 2 years old! ...which of course meant Koyama had to use baby talk. "nichai dechu yo~" "mada mada kodomo dechu ne~" DORK. While Koyama was reading off the contact information for the show, Masuda said random words with him. They talked about the engimono (reference: previous episodes of Kchan News) that Massu, Shige, Tegoshi, and Kusano are in. Masuda's character is a guy who wants to start a band. Shige's is popular with girls. Kusano's is weird and a pervert. And Tegoshi's is silent.

♪ kirameki no kanata e

Guest: Tegoshi Yuuya

Opening: At the time, Koyama was still having his summer vacation, and said he wanted to do some more summer-y things. After Tegoshi was announced he did his usual "Tegoshi desu!" Apparently if he doesn't do it, it feels like he can't "start." On November 11th, Tegoshi will turn 18! (That's still quite a ways off..) They talked about driving but I couldn't follow it at all..

Uta Ura News News (?? is that what this segment's called?)
Koyama explained that this clip isn't of NEWS, rather it's something personal.

Theme: On the way somewhere
Koyama can be heard talking to his nephew, Haruto (who he calls Haru), trying to get him to say "wanwan" (doggy) and trying to converse with him while he just babbles^^

He said that Haruto's about a year old, and that if you point to a picture of a dog he'll say "wanwan" (doggy) and if you point to a cat he'll say "nyannyan" (kitty). Koyama reeeally wants Haruto to call him "Keichan" but he's still too young. (Elsewhere, Koyama has said that Haruto called him "wanwan" HAHAHA). He said that as he learns new words, he wants to record him speaking and let everyone listen, like as a record of his growth. Ktarou and Tegoshi mentioned that Koyama's face is different when he talks about his nephew -- he smiles reeeally wide. He loves him so much!♥

There was only one recording to listen to, so afterwards he read requests from listeners. One girl wanted to hear Shige when he's tired.. so Tegorin and Koyama started talking about how easily he tires, and how his face looks like he's in his 30's.. (They're so mean!!) The next girl wanted to hear how fast Shige talks when he's angry. Apparently when he gets angry, he gets seriously angry and has a hard time relaxing. Next, a girl wanted to hear Ryo and Tegoshi call each other "Ryotan" and "Tegonyan." Tegoshi explained that Ryo calls him that when they're all really excited. At first when Ryo started calling him that he'd just call him "Ryochan" but Ryo told him, "Don't you mean 'Ryotan'?" and made him call him that. Another girl wanted to hear Ryo after being scared by something with ghosts (like a haunted house?). They pondered whether or not he would actually be scared, and decided that despite his image, he might be likely to get scared. Last, a girl wanted Koyama to record the sound of PUDDING. Koyama: "You could listen to that yourself!"

♪ Cherish

Tegoshi Yuuya no Tegomen!
Rather than continue like the previous shows and do his "___ that even girls can understand!" soccer corner, Tegorin talked about the engimono he, Massu, Kusano, and Shige are in. (I don't know what the actual definition of an engimono is, but it appears to be a short-running or one-shot drama. Many of them have starred Johnny's idols, and Koyama was in one a while back.) The character Tegoshi plays is Tomiyama.. AKA Tommy. His character only had one line! Tegoshi said that it was a difficult role because of that. Koyama said that he was most worried about whether or not Massu would be able to do well, but Tegoshi said that he (Massu) did fine...except that he kept using baby talk... Apparently when Massu answers the phone under certain circumstances (I didn't understand^^; but sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn't) he says "mohi mohi" instead of "moshi moshi." They kept talking about the drama. Tegoshi said that he wanted people to watch his expressions, since he doesn't really talk. Also he wants people to see the collaboration between the four members.

Ending: Koyama started out with "mohimohi?" HAHA. They talked a bit about Tegoshi's upcoming movie, Shissou, and made plans to see it in the theater together.

♪ yume no kazu dake ai ga umareru

Guest: Kusano Hironori

Opening: Summary ended yesterday! Even Ktarou came to see it!
When Koyama introduced Kusano, he said "Good evening! PAN PAN PAN!! ... pan pan!"
Apparently, Kusano spotted Ktarou in the audience and towards the end of the performance he made a "K" with his body..except the K was backwards..

Koyama started reading letters from listeners. The first girl said that she can never get a boyfriend, because she's in the girls' baseball club. Guys talk to her in a condescending manner, kinda like they think it's "cute" that a girl would try to play baseball. But she refuses to lie about playing baseball, nor quit! The guys said that she shouldn't have to lie, and that it's fine for girls to play baseball!

Next, a girl who said that she lives soooo far out in the country that it takes her 2 hours to get to school. She wanted to know if they liked the country, and what they'd do if they lived in the country. Kusano said that he DOES live in the country, and they both like the country.

Next, a girl suggested a new corner: News Fashion Check. From what I understand, I think each member would tell about the other member's fashion? They commented on each other a bit, but none of their comments really stood out, except Kusano called Koyama's hat "weird."
Kusano: And you're wearing a sleeveless shirt over a t-shirt..
Koyama: Well, last night I watched SMAPxSMAP, and..
Kusano: You imitated Kimura-kun!!
As usual, Koyama is copying other people's fashion!!
Kusano talked about Tegoshi, how sometimes he'd come in wearing a black tank top over a white one.. then the next day, wear the white one over the black one..

Next, a girl said that she read in a magazine that Kusano could do an impression of Ryo's laugh. Kusano couldn't remember saying that! He tried it, but he just sounded like Kusano..

♪ akaku moyuru taiyou

Kusano Hironori no WOO!
The last time Kusano was on, he messed up the title to his segment (his "woo" was a bit weak) so he sounded almost nervous this time, making sure he did it right. Kusano: "AH! YES!" Rather than continue the previous Dragonball talk they'd been doing, they talked about Summary instead. For their solos, they did different countries -- Koyama was Germany, Massu was Russia, Kusano was Spain, etc. Koyama did SMAP's "aoi inazuma." Shige apparently got to put in a lot of input for his solo, and he got to do a rap. Tegoshi sang a medley at one point, doing KinKi Kids' "Anniversary," V6's "arigatou no uta" and Sakuraba Yuuichirou's "hitoribocchi no haburashi." Then, Koyama and Kusano went off on a little tangent about "arigatou no uta" that I didn't understand, but it sounded funny LOL (actually it sounded a lot like they were impersonating Massu). Ktarou said that the audience seats were SO close to the stage, he could almost reach out and hold hands with Massu. Apparently Ktarou took off his mask in front of everyone! (Koyama's been doing radio with him for like a year, and the first time HE saw him without a mask was only a few weeks ago.) During the breaks between shows, they mostly watched TV backstage. Monday, Kusano and Ryo put in a video of PRIDE. Also, they eat, and do stuff like that.

Ending: Koyama asked Kusano what he wanted to talk about next time, and he said "Ktarou." Then there was something going on but I couldn't quite understand cause they're LOUD and laughing too much! All I understood was that Ktarou had painted his face in addition to wearing his usual mask?

Koyama announced that Kusano was going to be in his first drama--!! It's an engimono (I've never seen any, but they seem to be like short dramas? I have no idea^^. Besides Kusano, Massu, Tegoshi, and Shige are going to be in it as well. Apparently they're all playing junior high students?

♪ yawaraka na mama de

Unfortunately, the radio broadcast decided it needed to reconnect right before the show started, so I missed about a minute or so at the beginning. My summary includes the full opening, however, thanks to a report found on a Japanese BBS.

Opening
They started out talking about how it's been a long time since they've hosted the show together.
Yoko mentioned that tomorrow (9/4) they were going to do the Yagura Dance event thingy at Osaka-jou Hall. Subaru seemed like he had forgotten about it, haha. I don't know anything about the Yagura Dance, but this year is their second time doing it, and thanks to last year's they were able to release their CD.
All of a sudden, Yoko asked Subaru how he's been recently. I think Subaru was caught off guard! He said that everday is like a festival, which brought them back to talking about the Yagura Dance. Yoko said he feels really happy seeing the older people dance along with them, and it makes Subaru glad that they did the event.

♪ suki yanen, Osaka.

Back to the talk portion, they talked about the new single. The version that's used for the radio is the Tanaka-san version (if you listen to the song, Subaru plays the role of "Tanaka-san," who the other members came to Osaka to visit as if his house was an Osaka landmark). Apparently, there were different versions of Tanaka-san that Subaru made up as they kept re-recording the song, such as a really hyper Tanaka-san, and a really low tension Tanaka-san. Yoko said that if they had an opportunity he'd like to show all the different Tanaka-sans.

Kikemelo Eight
(In this corner, each member chooses a song based on a particular theme and talks about why he chose it.)
This week's theme was "still hot" songs. Yoko chose Mr. Children's "Running High." When he's riding his bike, he listens to this song and when he starts getting tired he hears the "bakatare" (basically kinda like "dumbass") in the first line and applies it to himself, like "Why are you getting so tired, dumbass?!" Next up, Subaru's choice: Yashikitaka Jin's "Tokyo." He explained that whenever they appear on the show their manager(s) send them an email, telling them the theme of the week. But the email Subaru got said "more and more hot" instead of "still hot."

Kikujani Little Quiz
(In this corner, one member presents a question about himself and possible answers. Listeners are supposed to send their answers in, and one person..wins? They might just get their name on the site, I don't know. The next week, they tell the correct answer, and another member gives a question.)
Last week's question was about Ryo. His question was: Recently I've had a problem with which of the following? (1) Blisters (2) Calluses/corns (3) Carbuncles (4) Acne. The answer was blisters, and he got them from rowing a boat for 6 hours straight for his drama "Ganbatte Ikimasshoi." Yoko said that his own hand was hurt by a kamaitachi recently. He tried to show it to Subaru, but he had no interest because he didn't believe him (who would?). Yoko complained that Subaru was "off" today.
This week's question came from Subaru. What did he lose recently? (1) Keys (2) Wallet (3) Back molars. Yoko laughed and said that one of the answers was a bit..obvious, but Subaru insisted that he wouldn't give such an easy question. He said that really, rather than "losing" it, it "went somewhere." And that it "hurt a lot." But that wasn't a hint! Because as Yoko said, if you lose your wallet you lose money and that hurts; or you lose your key and you can't get into your house, and that hurts. But in the end, Yoko said, "Write #3 on a card and send it in."

Kikujani Intro Championship
(In this corner, both members have to introduce the same song, and the program staff vote on who did a better job introducing it. Their time limit is the length of the song's intro.)
In the overall rankings, Ohkura is #1, and Subaru and Ryo are tied for #2. Yoko complained about Ryo ranking so high even though he's only done the segment twice, and has 0 points. The only reason he's #2 is because most of the other members have negative scores.
This week's song is Mr. Children's "innocent world." Yoko's was basically just some facts on the song (when it was released, etc). Subaru told him that that wasn't what the intro was supposed to be about, but Yoko explained that he was trying to let people know how amazing Mr. Children are. "Not many people know, because Sakurai-san is easily embarrassed." Subaru: "What?! Are you his friend or something?!" Next up, Subaru. He basically just said "wow, it's nostalgic!" and spent the rest of the time introducing the song.
The vote?! "Both were bad"
This baffled both the guys LOL.

Yomeota Eight
(In this corner, they read letters from listeners and maybe answer a question or two. I'd guess it changes between episodes, depending on how many letters they receive.)
The letter asked about the new single, specifically what they thought people should listen for. Subaru recommended the joke/story in suki yanen, Osaka., so they talked about that. According to Yoko it's the first time any Johnny's group has done something like that -- at least as far as he knows. Kazama Shunsuke told him that the song is something that only Kanjani8 could do. Not because it's in Kansai-ben, but because of the song itself. Hearing that made Yoko happy.
They also talked about oh! ENKA and Mugendai. Yoko said he likes Mugendai because he has a solo in it. Subaru: "What is it?" Yoko: "'tabidachi.' Four syllables!" He also has a solo in suki yanen, Osaka. -- he says "suki yanen." But he doesn't really sing it, exactly..
Subaru read the email address really slowly..

Ending
Yoko said that for some reason, he feels like he can't ask certain things in private, but he can ask them on the radio. Things like "what have you been doing lately?" or "what did you eat yesterday?" Subaru made fun of him, but he explained that when they're doing performances, the day after a rest day he wonders what the other members did during their break. Subaru said he imagines what they might have done, but he doesn't think to ask. Yoko can't ask people what they did, so he started asking them what they ate. He asks Ohkura and Maru, but unexpectly, he doesn't ask Yassu.

Kouichi started out by saying that tomorrow is the 31st birthday of "someone very great." He talked about him a bit, then said that it was (Kokubun) Taichi (of TOKIO). "Everyone's turning into old men!"

(I have to complain a bit: Kouichi, YOU MUMBLE TOO MUCH!! Speak up, and enunciate your words! The fact that I can barely understand you is what makes the commercials the best part of this show )

CM #1
Kouichi: In Korean, "hurry up" or "to hurry" is "pari pari." So if you translated "choco mo monaka mo pari pari" ('the chocolate and the monaka are both crispy') and "choco monaka hayaku tabetai" ('I want to eat chocolate monaka soon') into Korean, you'd get:
Kouichi & Tsuyoshi: pari pari pari pari pari pari pari pari pari pari.
Kouichi & Tsyuoshi: The chocolate's crispy, so is the monaka! Morinaga ChocoMonaka Janbo!

CM #2
Kouichi: Which number is actually the sound of Tsuyoshi biting into a choco monaka janbo?
Tsuyoshi: Number one!
(Drum sound)
Tsuyoshi: Number two!
(Choco monaka janbo sound)
Tsuyoshi: Number three!
(Breaking glass sound)
Kouichi: The winner will NOT receive a wonderful prize, so DON'T send in your answer!
Tsuyoshi: yoropiku~
Kouichi & Tsyuoshi: The chocolate's crispy, so is the monaka! Morinaga ChocoMonaka Janbo!

Psychology Test!
(Q) You're watching TV, and went to change the channel but it wouldn't change. No matter how many times you press the remote, it won't change. So, what did you do?
(1) Try changing the batteries on the remote
(2) Hit the remote
(3) Call an electronics store right away
(4) Give up and change the channel from the TV itself
The answer you choose tells how you deal with your boy/girlfriend.
If you chose #1, with someone you really like, you rarely order them around. But sometimes they might think of you as pointless.
If you chose #2, you're pretty selfish. You think, "If they really like me, they'll listen to everything I say."
If you chose #3, you're quite rational and not likely to be selfish. [other stuff I couldn't understand]
If you chose #4, you're the type who doesn't order them around. Rather, you're the one who gets ordered around.

♪ eien no bloods

CM #3
Tsuyoshi: Mr. Choco, did you know? This ice cream is really good!
Kouichi: Ah, Mr. Monaka, I know! It's Morinaga KinKi Kids! It's the one with the commercial that says "Tsuyoshi is crispy, so is the Kouichi."
Tsuyoshi: As expected, you know about it, Mr. Choco. How about a bite?
Kouichi: Ah~ really, Mr. Monaka? Well then, I'll have a bite.. *bites* Mr. Monaka! This is good! The Tsuyoshi on the outside and the Kouichi on the inside are both really crispy!
Tsuyoshi: I wouldn't lie to you, Mr. Choco!
Kouichi & Tsyuoshi: The Tsuyoshi's crispy, so is the Kouichi! Morinaga KinKi Kids! ...no... The chocolate's crispy, so is the monaka! Morinaga ChocoMonaka Janbo!

Ending Poem
Sorry, I never understand this^^;

Host: Nakai Masahiro

Thursdays is Catchball Smap, where a random other member sends a message to the host for the day. Today's message was from Goro. The two of them have a commercial for Meiji chocolate that's been airing recently, where Nakai keeps getting scolded (I guess that's the right word?) by the various producers and directors of the commercials/shows he's doing, and then he goes home to relax and eat Meiji chocolate..and takes off his mask, revealing that he was Goro all along. At the end he said something like "I'm happier being me." Because of that CM, Goro talked about what it would be like if he and Nakai really traded places. Goro said he'd want to try hosting a "big" show like Kouhaku or 24HR TV, like Nakai does. "Of course, if we were to switch places, it wouldn't be me on the inside. Our insides would change as well. If it were me on the inside, I wouldn't be able to host."

Nakai said that there was or will be or should be a backwards version of the CM where he pretends to be Goro. There's nothing Nakai would do if he were Goro! Goro's good at singing, but he's fine with sucking. He thinks Goro has nice fashion sense, but he's never thought of wearing clothes like Goro wears. But he wants to try dancing like Goro! "I wonder what that feels like!"

♪ motto kimi no koto (Goro solo from Sexy Six)

Guest: Katou Shigeaki

Opening: August is almost over, which means that junior high and high school students are about to go back to school. In Japan, kids are given homework to do over the summer, and there are various ways kids react to it. Some do it all like good kids, some do a little then give up, some do it all the day before it's due, and some don't do it at all. What Shige did (or does regularly, I don't know) was he planned to do a page or two every day, so it wouldn't all pile up and become stressful towards the end. So while everyone else is freaking out about finishing their summer homework, he can look at them smugly.

News Showdown
As usual the guest team and Koyama team read little statements sent in by listeners, and staff at the radio station judged them on whose was better. For this particular episode, the statements were NEWS-related puns. Puns are hard enough to understand for me, let alone translate/explain, so..I'm sorry ＞＜ I wrote the Japanese when I could hear it well enough, and the English when I could actually translate it.

Round #1: MASSU SHOWDOWN (because they were both about Massu)
Shige: Koyama yori, Masuda no gag no hou ga, masu da.
Koyama: Massu wo damasu! ('deceive Massu')
Results: Koyama!

Round #2: SHIGE SHOWDOWN (because the girls writing in both used Shige's name in their radio names)
Shige: NEWS no news wo nyuushu shimashita! (in a SCARY high-pitched voice *g* He explained that the girl wanted him to read it "cutely," to which Koyama responded: "it wasn't cute~") ('I obtained NEWS' news!')
Koyama: Shige no kakushigei ('Shige's hidden talent')
Results: Shige!

Round #3: HOKKAIDO SHOWDOWN (because the girls writing in were both from Hokkaido)
Shige: asoko ni kaimono ni ikou! eh, asoko tte? asoko! Itouyou-Katou! ('Let's go shopping there! Huh, what do you mean by there? THERE! Itouyou-Katou!') (Itouyou Kadou is a shopping center)
Koyama: (First, Koyama explained that his pun is a conversation between Yamapi and himself) ore ne, futae ni natta no! maji?! urayamapi! ('My eyelids became double layer! Really?! I'm jealous!') (the normal word for 'jealous' is 'urayamashii.' They said that it'd be cute if Yamapi said it, but it'd be weird for Koyama to)
Results: Shige!

Next time they're going to do self-introductions, like "I'm Koyama Keiichirou, who _____" (does such-and-such, or is such-and-such, etc). While Koyama read the email address for the program, Shige interrupted him so he could say the "at" part.

♪ TEPPEN

Katou Shigeaki no Shigekix!
(Shigekix is a kind of sweet apparently. But judging from the website it looks really scary to me.)
The other guys have "____ lessons that girls can understand!" but Shige is paired with Koyama, and they talk about their pets! (I guess girls can understand pets without lessons ) Shige has a dachshund named Nana-chan, and Koyama has a fat kitty named Nyanta-kun. Nana-chan used to be really fat because when she was younger they'd feed her anything she wanted cause she was too cute to resist, but now she's on a diet. She has a small head, but a big body. Koyama described her as "kyu BON!" (The typically desired female figure is "bon kyu bon" -- big boobs, small waist, big hips ... so apply that to a dog LOL). Shige called Nyanta-kun a "fatty" (debu). He doesn't ever go outside, and he's really shy. When Koyama tried recording him meowing for Kchan News, he wouldn't even meow once.

They talked about pets they wanted to keep, and I SWEAR Shige said he wanted an oompa loompa. No matter how many times I listen, that's what it sounds like to me. He explained that they look like Massu *g* They both like ferrets, cause they're really cute. Shige told a story of when he and his family left to go visit his relatives, they had to get someone to take care of Nana-chan. When they got home, she was really excited to see..Shige's mom. Not Shige.

Ending: Tomorrow Summary is restarting! (Tomorrow = August 30th). When Koyama read the email address, he let Shige say the "at" part.

♪ FIESTA